Hold up guys...I think I’m sick: Top five places on campus to puke, hurl and rally

Category:  Opinions
Wednesday, October 4th, 2017 at 12:40 PM
Hold up guys...I think I’m sick: Top five places on campus to puke, hurl and rally by Livia Homerski
Graphic: Shelby Kirk

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Whether you’ve come down with a sudden stomach bug or had one too many “beverages” last night, sometimes vomiting is the only option. Yes, it’s gross, but it’s one of those inevitable and embarrassing things that will happen at one point in your college career. These spots have been selected as some of the most safe and comfortable places to retch while you’re out and about on campus.

1. The “Boujee” Bathrooms of Ross Hall

The bathrooms of Ross Hall are for someone who wants options, and somewhere to purge in style. There is a set of bathrooms located just to the right of the entrance facing Hamilton, complete with an open doorway for a speedy getaway. However, your dry- heaving and guttural anguish will echo through the main hall of Ross, so aim for this one if you don’t mind being heard. The real diamond of Ross is the bathroom behind the stairs on the lower level. These bathrooms offer a retreat from the hustle and bustle above, thanks to doors on the bathroom itself, and calm lighting. Not a whole lot of people wander into these bathrooms, so it is likely that you will be alone. The other benefit of choosing Ross’ restrooms is that everything is fairly new, so you’ll be sitting in front of the “john” in a modern, yet comfortable aesthetic.

2. Under the Skybridge

You’re heading towards the bathrooms in Ross, but there’s no way you’re going to make it all the way there. In order to spare the Skybridge from becoming an express tunnel of your airborne illness, opt for underneath the Skybridge! Excellent features include large columns to lean against during stomach convulsions, an overhang to protect you from our frequently inclement weather, and even a variety of fauna near the same creek
that flows under the bridge between Fake Lake and Pogue! I would advise staying away from the road. I also enjoy this location because with a little twisting, you could make a great parody of “Under the Bridge” by Red Hot Chili Peppers. “Under the Skybridge by Ross is where I lost my lunch!”

3. Mallory (Fake) Lake

This next place is for the nature lovers, or those who thought they could make it to their 9 a.m. in Compton with a 103 degree fever. Fake Lake is great because you can easily veer off the path and puke in the tranquility of nature. There’s plenty of bushes and lakeside brush the closer you get to the Pogue Student Center. There are benches all around the lake for you to sit or lie down on. The little bridge over the creek between Pogue and Fake Lake is also a nice spot to lean over and let it all out. Just try to avoid the geese, if at all possible.

4. The Lone Bathrooms of Loveland

Loveland is an art building, so the clientele and traffic is typically limited. This lovely bathroom is located in the hallway downstairs and features several stalls. Need to take a seat and rest your head in your hands as the next wave of nausea passes? No problem, there’s a desk conveniently located next to the sinks. The room is also decently soundproof, so dry- heave away. When you’re feeling better, comfort yourself with the great art on display in Bates Galley down the hall.

5. Good Old Ghering Health Center

Last, but not least, Ghering Health and Wellness Center in McNerney Hall is another essential spot to vomit at on campus. It’s centered between Butterfield and Rose Hall, and directly ahead of the library, so it covers that side of campus. Ghering prefers that you make an appointment, but they also handle walk-ins for immediate problems, like you immediately barfing. Not only could you upchuck there, you could also get a diagnosis and treatment from a very kind staff. I’d advise coming here anytime you start to feel ill.

Livia Homerski can be reached at voices.spectator@gmail.com. 

Tags: voices, opinion

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