The Retreat that Taught Me the Power of Presence
Jordan Mccown is co-captain of Edinboro’s Wheelchair Basketball team. Through a series of personal reflections, he shares his journey in discovering faith with Chi Alpha, a Christian ministry at PennWest.
In late October, I attended a Fall Retreat with PennWest Edinboro’s Chi Alpha. I went on this retreat to develop my practice in Christianity, and also to reset after a stressful semester. In my first article on my retreat experience, I wrote about how a supportive community was essential in my faith journey. In this second piece, I reflect on why presence, an important part of Christianity, is a technique that anyone can, and should, practice.
Lesson 2: The Power of Presence
A lot of times in life, we can get so caught up in what happened in the past, our traumas, our struggles, and our mistakes. I am no stranger to these thoughts and feelings. I also often find myself living in the future, worrying, planning and overthinking. During the retreat, I learned that letting go of the need for perfection and practicing mindfulness is a powerful way to reconnect with my sense of self-worth.
Letting Go of Perfection
On the first day of the retreat, I overheard Aldo, a missionary from Penn State Behrend, tell one my teammates: “You don’t need to create the perfect quiet space to spend time with God.”
Aldo explained that while specially designated places and quiet corners for prayers are valuable, they aren’t necessary.
“You can encounter the Lord anywhere,” he said, “even just walking to class. You just have to disconnect.”
I realized how often I wait for perfect conditions to pray. But when my schedule gets busy, my devotion often slips away.
At a workshop on the second day, a Chi Alpha leader told a story from the Bible of two sisters, Mary and Martha. While Mary sat at Jesus’s feet listening, Martha rushed around trying to make everything perfect. But Jesus gently told her that He didn’t need perfection. He wanted her presence.
After the story, the workshop leader told us to find a quiet spot to read a passage from the Bible. As I read and reflected on the teachings, I realized that I didn’t need a perfect setup to connect with God. The peace I felt was unmistakable.
Being Present
Later that evening, after a rigorous day of activities, we had service. The tiredness was hitting me hard. As I prayed, distractions crept in – insecurities, comparison, and lies about my self-worth. But Edinboro Chi Alpha Minister TJ Shaefer’s sermon was about trusting God’s timing and letting go of worry. His message reminded me that all the worrying and stress in the world won’t change God’s timing. We just have to continue to play our part and stay faithful to Him.
I urged myself to stop chasing validation and instead practice being fully present.
As I listened to the music, I felt drawn to the front of the church. When I got there, I saw my teammates Karai and Elijah lying face down in deep prayer. They’ve always struggled to express themselves in worship, so witnessing them in deep prayer was very touching to me. I joined them, closing my eyes and soaking in God’s presence even more.
Overcoming Past Criticism
Just as worship time ended, my good friend and missionary for Edinboro’s Chi Alpha, Jonathan Mendoza, came up to me. He said there was something keeping me from trusting God fully. As I thought about it, I realized there truly was a barrier, but I didn’t know what that was.
Jonathan encouraged me to pray and reflect. The answer would come as a memory, he said. As I did, a memory surfaced of my uncle laughing at me for switching my major from psychology to communications.
I haven’t thought about it for a long time, but everything tracked back to that moment—the mockery, comparison, shame, and fear. Unknowingly, those criticisms from my past have trickled down to every part of my life as a college athlete and in my social life.
I asked Jonathan for advice on how to fix this, and he told me to “spend time with God and ask Him to show you who you are in His eyes.”
The next morning, I participated in a guided meditation, which led to one of the most powerful encounters of my life.
I saw Jesus and I walking together through a meadow. As He put His arm around me, different people from my past tried to charge at me: my uncle with the word “mockery” above his head; women from past relationships with “shame”; people I compared myself to with “comparison.” Jesus simply pushed them back. I began feeling a sense of worth I hadn’t felt in years. I knew right then how often criticism and comparison shape us, and how freeing it can be to overcome that.
If this retreat taught me one thing, it’s that I just have to stay in the moment. I don’t have to chase perfection or even achieve my goals. I don’t have to let negative experiences from the past control my present. I just have to stop, breathe, and listen.